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And the next morning...

I poked around a little bit more with Windows 7 today. After an almost good night's rest, I took a crack at fixing a bunch of shit. I think I may have found some workarounds, but we'll see if that really does fix anything.

At least I got my games activated without BSODing more than 3 times.

Dear Microsoft...

I'm writing this here, because evidently there's nowhere else I can go to say what I need to.

I decided to install your beta version of Windows 7. I didn't have that much trouble with Vista. In fact, I didn't see why so many people complained so much about it. Sure, the security warnings were annoying as shit, and my webcam didn't work anymore after I got Vista, but otherwise it wasn't too bad. Gaming performance wasn't affected (and believe you me, I know how to test this shit), compatability issues were next to none (see above-mentioned webcam), and after I told Vista to stop annoying me for every little thing, Vista and I got along all right.

Windows 7 is the bane of my existence.

I got very use to avoiding viewing the big bad Blue Screen of Death. It's been quite some time since it released its evilness on my system. I enjoyed my time off from starting at it. But god damned Windows 7 has more than made up for that time off. 7, 8, 15 times a day I see the shit. I don't even have to be touching my computer to be visited by the monster. Sitting on my bed reading my book causes an error that my system just can't recover from, so my system is shut down to prevent damage to it. (This is after I've made sure only the processes necessary to run Windows are running. I don't want something fucking everything up when I'm trying to test software.) Annoying as shit, but I'm patient, I can deal.

Gaming performance with Windows 7 is horrible. There seems to be some glitch in the system that doesn't allow RAM to be so R-ey with its AM. The longer I spend playing a game, the worse and worse it runs. It'll run perfectly the first 30 to 120 seconds the game is open, then I watch my framerate drop steadily the longer it's open. Have you ever tried to run a dungeon in World of Warcraft, starting at a nice 75 fps and ending at 5 or 6 if you're lucky? And god forbid you have to visit Azeroth, Outland, and Northrend in the same session. .01 fps has been known to show itself. I recently bought a package deal for my gaming pleasure, Grand Theft Auto III, Vice City, and San Andreas. To play these, one must activate the software using their codes. Thanks to Windows 7's infinite wisdom, activating my software causes *gasp* BSOD. And since it's crashing before my software is fully activated, I don't get to play the games I paid good money for. Compatability mode adds a security warning, but otherwise doesn't affect the BSOD from popping up, ramming my ass, and leaving me sad and unfulfilled.

I haven't been able to run a virus scan since Windows 7 was installed. My virus scanner, since it's looking around my system, is a security threat and results in a blue screen of death. God forbid I actually get a virus, as I wouldn't be able to do anything to stop it.

The best part of it all? My computer came with a partitioned hard drive so I would always have my copy of Vista handy and needn't worry about discs. I actually wasn't even given the option of making a disc using my Vista backup, which I thought odd, but whatever. What could possibly go wrong? I'll tell you. Windows 7. Thanks to Windows 7, and my System Recovery being a risk to my system, I'm no longer allowed to access my partitioned hard drive. It has files that would seriously alter the way my system runs, which is just wrong, evidently. So I'm stuck with this god awful OS that's being lauded as the Savior of Microsoft.

Yes, I realize that this is a beta and things will change. I've been beta testing software for well over 10 years now. I also realize that every beta comes with risks associated with it, and using a beta-level operating system on my main computer is risky. But this is the first time I've encountered software that requests feedback regularly, but crashes whenever I try to send it. (Evidently, like playing games or system restore, sending feedback about the operating system and how it's working for me is risky and therefore must be prevented.)

I believe I'll be the first person in history to beg Microsoft to let me have my Vista back. Would I recommend Windows 7 to others? It definitely has the potential to be a good OS. It's the delivering of that Good OS-ness that's severely lacking. My advice to those who signed up for the beta and have just delayed installing it: Delay a little longer and see if there's any kind of update coming out. Unless you have a disc for your current version of your OS. If you don't, steer clear.

The Way I See It #17

This chick at work was stocking Grande hot cups and found this one. She gave it to me.

The world bursts at the seams with people ready to tell you you're not good enough. On occasion, some may be correct. But do not do their work for them. Seek any job; ask anyone out; pursue any goal. Don't take it personally when they say "no" -- they may not be smart enough to say "yes."

--- Keith Olbermann

More Good News - sarcasm noted

Mom's cancer's back. They found 7 spots today, after previously believing that it was gone. There's a new spot in her lung. All they can think to do is try radiation again, starting next week, but they're not sure how much good it's going to do. The doctors said that her kind of cancer seems to learn and adapt quickly. When they throw something at it, it'll work briefly, then suddenly say, "Haha, no more!" and thwart their efforts.


To be a little clearer than my last post...

The two people that took their exit from my life this week did not do it without provocation. Too much drinking led to too much not thinking which led to stupid things being done. I just hope that everything isn't fucked up for good.

For some reason, MySpace still sends me updates, even though it shouldn't. My moment of stupidity is making me pay in many ways. I'm not one to make a mistake repeatedly. I'd much rather spare myself and other people the pain caused through monumentally idiotic moments.

I've always had an aversion to drinking. Now it just won't happen again.

I should be used to it by now.

I am officially the world's biggest fuck up.

Three of the closest people to me have walked out of my life this year.


Understatement of the century: This fucking sucks.

Smuggled Inside

We went to see the baby today. It started like any visit does... they go in, I stand out in the hall and wait for the blinds to open so I can see him through the glass. (If you're not a parent or grandparent, you're not allowed in the nursery.) The nurse opened the window, I mouthed "Thank you" to her, she turned and spoke to JJ and Jennie, then turned and left. There was a big box in my way, so JJ pointed to where Dameon was so I knew where to shift myself to see. I saw someone coming towards me out of the corner of my eye, so I looked over, and it was the nurse that opened the window. I was slightly confused as to why she was approaching me... the only thing I could think of is that she was going to tell me I couldn't come around so much, because generally when I'm standing at the window, gazing in at Dameon, other people passing by try to stop and look in the window too. Lo and behold, she glances around, then motions for me to follow her. She said something to me, took off around the corner, then I uh... get lost, yeah that's it... and wind up through a door with protected by a number lock... luck just opened it right up for me. I wander along, not following anyone, not knowing where I'm going, but suddenly I'm in the nursery, and I get to see Dameon all up close and personal. He's off oxygen and his IV, and getting better and better every day. It totally made my day to be able to reach out and have him right there at my finger tips. I didn't want to push my luck, though. The nurse seemed okay with me being there after she realized I wasn't going to smother Dameon or be all crazy happy stupid. She said to me after I mysteriously found myself in the nursery that it was just "so you can see him up close for a minute." She lingered while I got myself situated (not too much, cause she said just for a minute), checked his vitals, then looked at me. I looked at her, figuring she was about to tell me it was time to leave, but she just nodded and sat down at her desk.

I don't even know how long we were in there. But it was seriously awesome. Hearing him make little baby noises and seeing his big ass smile up close was too amazing to put into words. I may only be his uncle, but I'm damn proud of this DAM kid.

Blessings and Curses

The baby's doing a lot better. He's out of his oxygen tent and is on his way to being able to go home.

All this has made me very sad, for the first time in my life, that I'm gay. I want to have a kid.


Things are already getting better.

The parents have been able to start breathing regularly again, which has eased stress on me a lot. The baby's going to be all right, as they've figured out the perfect way to get him up to par with babies born on time, and everyone's happier.

Thank goodness.
Man. Intense past couple of days.

In case anyone from the City didn't know, Drakken has married and he and his wife were expecting their first child on October 23rd of this year. However, the child decided to get the ball rolling early and was born yesterday. He was 5 pounds, 8 ounces and 18 inches long. She always said she and the kid had an understanding. 3 pushes, he's out. As it turned out, she went from 5 cm dilated (after spending a long ass time getting from 1-5cm) to 10 cm dilated in 45 minutes. 2 and two-thirds rounds of pushing later, the child was born. He was 6 weeks premature, but more healthy than anyone could have asked for.

However, like any baby born before it's supposed to be, there are complications and as the doctor said, it's going to be a roller coaster ride. Seeing how much they're hurting that they can't even hold their own child is killing me. I only got four hours of blissful sleep yesterday before he called me to let me know they were at the hospital, then it was up and about. Then last night, I worried about them and the baby so much that I couldn't sleep no matter how much I wanted to.

Today I felt like a zombie, doing things just to get them done, feeling the pressure mount inside, worry after worry building on one another. He's going to be okay, they're "just shy of certain" that everything's going to turn out perfect. But the stumbles along the way seem like falling into a pit. I'm waiting on the edge of my seat to hear what the neonatal specialist is going to say tonight. I have to work at 4:15 in the morning, but I don't care if my phone rings at midnight. Knowing something is better than wondering and worrying.

I'll do what I can. I'll do about the only thing I can. They know no matter when, no matter where, I'm here for them, and will drop anything I'm doing and get to them if the situation calls for it. And I'll keep reminding them as I remind myself: Everything will be okay. The roller coaster is attached to tracks, we just need to focus on getting to the station, riding out the drops ahead.